November 12, 2012
Veteran’s Day, I don’t have to work, I salute the veterans not for my day off but for everything they sacrificed for our country. Maybe I should join the service, then my existence would mean something. For now, I’m awake, I just did some coke, the last of it, I rationed it so it would last. But that was so complicated, I almost didn’t enjoy it because all I did was anticipate the next lines even as I was cutting up ones I was about to do.
So anyway I put on some Franz Ferdinand and was kinda dancing around crazy with “This Boy” love this fucking song. “I want a car, I want a car yeah!” Then there was a knock on my door and I opened it and it was my downstairs neighbor, Flower. Yeah that’s her name. My friends call her Flo but she hates that, so I call her Flower, sometimes I call her by the name of a different flower every time I see her. Like Rose, Lilly, Dandelion, Daisy, and Hydrangea is my favorite name to call her. Anyway, I guess they’re having a barbeque today because it’s supposed to be like 70 degrees and we can use our little yard, and she gives me a list of the friends I can have come and the friends she’d rather I didn’t invite. She doesn’t like all of my friends. Neither do I for that matter. Then she winks before she leaves and says, “nice undies” because I like to walk around my apartment in my underwear and quite honestly I have no qualms about answering the door that way. (Yes I used the word qualms, don’t ever underestimate my intelligence).
WALL GRIMM’S LIST OF ESTIMATIONS:
My name is Wall Grimm and these are the things you must accurately estimate or even overestimate about me:
my intelligence, my ability to kick your ass (many a fool have underestimated this), my dick size (underestimating this can be a nice surprise however for the ladies), my sexual talents, my wit, my insight, my psychic ability that I often block out because sometimes I have no filter and it’s overwhelming, and my ability to make lists
Those are just a few things, there’s more, but I’m kind of wired.
My name is Wall Grimm and these are the things you are permitted to underestimate about me:
my drug use, my alcohol consumption, my dirty mind, my stupidity, my irresponsibility, my lack of motivation, my shyness, my laziness….
Yeah it’s getting too personal now. So personal I can’t even share it with myself in my journal, because I’m strange. Anyway so Flower, she lives with Bob. Yeah that’s his name. Flower and Bob. I don’t need to say anymore. They seem like a great couple but she’s a horrible flirt so I don’t know if she wants me and she’s a free loving hippy chic or what. But Bob doesn’t seem to care. But then again I think Bob has the hots for Emma. Maybe they want an orgy. Ok, I’m not even going to comment on that one because I’m too wired to jerk off (sans images of Bob of course).
So anyway after Flower glanced at my goods, wait, don’t underestimate, I reiterate, she glanced at my GOODS, she winked at me and flitted away back to her domicile. I paused for a moment of reflection. Then I danced more to Franz Ferdinand. Then I sat and looked in the mirror. And for a moment I looked like an old man. I’m 23 but I feel so much older. Something’s got to change, something needs to happen soon.
I still haven’t figured out what happened with Emma or why she’s pissed at me. I haven’t tried to contact her. We often go for a long time without communicating, then long periods when we see each other daily. It’s like we’re each other’s periodic phases or something. And though it’s kind of bugging me in almost a painful way, I just feel too ashamed to contact her, and embarrassed, and I don’t even know if I have a reason why I should feel that way. Blacking out is no fun. Being a loser in the eyes of the woman you love is no fun. It used to be fun to be Grimm, now my way of life in itself is like a drug, just a habit I need to break.