January 22, 2013
Ok so I was sitting there with my journal by the fire and I decided to open it and skim through my entries to see if there was anything so revealing that I should be embarrassed or maybe horrified. I discovered that there wasn’t anything too personal, mostly experiences, very few confessions. Apart from my feelings about Emma.
I took the bottle of whiskey out of the back pack and started drinking it. Then I flipped through to my last entry and saw that there were very few pages left. Those that were left were scrawled on by neither me nor my journal. They said shit like this:
…oooh Grimm look out the shadowy guy is going to get you…
…Grimm you think you’re so great getting laid so much. You think your cock is sooo big…
…Grimm sees dead people…
…Dude, you’re making this shit up…
There was a drawing of Emma with a mouthful of shark teeth, and me with my pants down, and it said, “You’re gonna need a bigger dick.”
Then there were various drawings of tits and penises, and monsters eating my body parts like popcorn, while watching a chick flick.
By the time I finished off half the bottle, I was feeling pretty good, no one had shown up and the fire was dying down. I supposed I could just leave but I wanted to know who was fucking with me and instincts told me that they weren’t done with me yet. So I took a hit of acid, because if I was going to be fucked with, I figured it would be cool to push the bounds of sanity a little. By the time I finished building up the fire, I was tripping my ass off.
Then Danika came limping out of the woods all bloodied up. She saw me, screamed “Grimm! Oh my God! Help me!”
I stood to rush over to her and someone runs out of the woods after her, wearing a pig mask and carrying a chain saw and he chainsawed up her back as she was limping away, then she fell to the ground, blood splattered everywhere.
I was like, what the fuck, enough already, but then the guy charged me and I was a little out of my mind from the whiskey and the acid, so I ran.
I scrambled over the hill, around a boulder, climbed up real fast. Pig face tried to follow but lost me and kind of began to look around as he circled the boulder. I waited until he turned the chainsaw off, then I jumped down on him and started pounding his fucking pig face. When he had no fight left in him, I took his mask off and it was John.
Jay and Danika came running out laughing. John was like, I told you I didn’t want to be this guy, I knew he’d kick my ass.
Then of course, I couldn’t be pissed off because this was the coolest prank ever and I just examined Danika’s torn apart false back. They said it was easy to do since when she ran out, I couldn’t see her back, so I wouldn’t have seen any strange bulkiness. The chainsaw also had no blades or anything, but when it was on, it was impossible to see that.
Then I began to wonder if I should have left and enjoyed all the drugs and alcohol myself, or waited like I did. I decided I’m glad I waited because this was actually fucking awesome. I didn’t tell them that for a moment I was scared out of my mind and came close to shitting my pants. I did a little trick that I do when I’m tripping. If something starts to freak me out, I remind myself that I’m a gypsy so I have that over all my friends. I tell myself I can’t fail, I won’t fail, and if I wanted to, I could know everything that’s going on in the minds of everyone around me. I could know their secrets. I tell myself that no matter what reality is, I know I’m the center of it at that moment, so I only need to choose to react, so I should just stick to being cool. So long as I’m cool, nothing will be bad. Sometimes this plan doesn’t work, like when I decide to strip naked and run around in circles. Because I’m tripping, sometimes stupid things seem deceptively cool at that time.
Anyway, we got cold and went back to the fire where I abandoned the bag of drugs, and the bottle of whiskey was half drunk by the fire pit. I had shoved my journal in my coat pocket when I first saw Danika coming out of the woods, so I hadn’t abandoned my old friend.
They all took the other three hits of acid, I was going to peak before them, but that’s ok, I snuck a second hit. I had a feeling this was the type of thing I was being set up for, so I brought five hits. We sat around the fire, with hypothermia circling us, but not quite able to break in. We finished the bottle, smoked a bunch of pot, and did the coke. John’s face was only a little battered because the rubber pig mask kind of shielded him. If it wasn’t for the snout I’d have broken his nose and bashed in some teeth.
We were so fucked up, but we decided that the cops would probably be there with the fire department at any time. The fire was usually visible from the street below, that’s how stupid you are when you’re in high school. So we put out the fire, and hiked down the opposite way from where the cops would come. It was a longer, trickier hike, but my feet had a kinetic memory of the terrain, ingrained from when I was one of those stupid high schoolers.
I was thinking on the way down that I have assholes for friends but at the same time I was thinking they were probably the coolest friends ever. They fucked with me so bad, yet for them to put all that time and effort to fuck with me, and then plan it so we’d party in the end, they must really like me. So I was thinking that was pretty cool. Who has friends like that? I guess I’m a pretty lucky guy. No one else has friends who abduct their journal and hold it for a ransom of drugs and liquor, threatening to post entries online, then terrorize them with a chainsaw and a torture porn/slasher/B-flick/classic cult horror scenario in the middle of the woods, only to end up partying with you and taking off before the cops make it to the quarry. Yeah, I’m a lucky guy. And my friends are kinda nuts.
And alas, this has been the story of the abduction of my journal.