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January 24, 2013

It’s really early in the morning, it’s wicked cold and the heat in my apartment sucks.  Pete, Sweetheart, and I set up my four person tent in my living room and packed it with pillows and blankets.  That with our body heat helped to get us warm.  I think it was the coldest night of the year last night.  I could be wrong but that’s what it felt like.  We didn’t really sleep so I just called in sick to Sharly.  It’s ok when I call in because she’s there all the time anyway, but she’s usually out back in her office doing the business end and sometimes she goes out and runs errands.  I don’t know Pete’s schedule but he’s not planning to work today either.  We couldn’t sleep so we just got high all night long in the tent.

Sweetheart, my little hippy girl whose name I still don’t know, is probably going to stay throughout the winter.  She’s a genuine hippy, road traveling kind, she doesn’t just dress the part.  She never imposed herself upon me, but she said she’d be on her way and I was like where are you going?  She told me she felt like going to the Grand Canyon, so she was either going to hitchhike or figure out some way to get there.  I was like how can you do that, because it’s not safe for her to hitchhike alone.  She said she could make some jewelry and maybe Sharly could sell it in the bookstore.  She said she doesn’t need much money for a one way bus ticket to Arizona.  I was like ok, she can do that, Sharly would be glad to sell her jewelry.  I told her she can stay until the weather warms up in the spring, I couldn’t possibly send her out in the cold.  She’s really cool and I kind of like having her around anyway.  Maybe I’ll just slip on my gypsy skin and take off with her.

I remember being at some kind of thing that was packed with hippies, a concert or something, kind of blacked out about what event it was.  I was just wandering around encountering people.  Jay and I kept getting nitrous balloons and temporarily losing our minds until we’d get another balloon, but we ran out of money.  We separated at some point and just went encountering in solitude.

I was kind of hungry because I can’t remember the last time I had eaten, might have been days.  I’d get money somehow and be like, cool now I can get food, but then Jay and I would go do more nitrous or get some more drugs of some kind.  I never knew how we got money, mostly people would just give it to us.  Strange but true.  Like this time I’m talking about.

I was walking along high as all hell and then I hear The Doors.  I was on a mission then.  I followed the sound of the music and it led me to a fucking hearse!  Now, a hearse is my dream car, yeah I’m morbid, but I always wanted to own a hearse.  I don’t own any car, but I’d like to have a hearse.  So when I saw this hearse and The Doors were blaring out of it, I just found my personal candy store.  My high ass said, “I love The Doors, and I love hearses.”  That was enough for them to invite me in and ply me with drugs.  Then they set me free hoping I’d come back later and buy some.  It’s a sales thing at these kind of events, a drug promo.  I just take the free shit and run.

My next stop was a VW bus, classic.  I was kind of aimless, just meandering in a cloud and a little weary from not having eaten.  The hippy guy said, hey man, you hungry?  I was like yeah.  He took me in the bus and gave me a YooHoo.  I was like, holy shit!  This is the best shit I’ve ever had in my whole fucking life!!  He laughed and said, “yeah I’ve been there man.”  It was just amazing how the YooHoo did everything my body was needing at that moment, like every cell in my personal biology perfectly synchronized with the YooHoo in this miraculous process of symbiosis!  Amazing.  Then he gave me a chunk of rosemary bread and some water.  We smoked some hydro and he gave me a YooHoo to go when I was ready to be on my way.

My next encounter was this guy from Belize.  He was in a van and saw me wandering around and told me to join him for a beer.  I sat in his van and we talked and drank beer, then when I was ready to go, he gave me $20.  I was like, thanks!  Then I left and found Jay immediately as if we were cosmically brought together at that moment because we were destined to get nitrous balloons.  We got 4 balloons with that $20, and contributed to the gradual malfunctioning of multiple areas of our brains.

Anyway, that’s the kind of hippy experience I have because I do a lot of drugs.  Also, you can make a hippy girl really happy if you give her a cool looking stone you found and tell her a cool story about how and where you found it.  It’s mostly groovy stuff I experience because I have good energy so I attract good people.  I also have a strong shield so bad people get the sense I’m not vulnerable and cannot be fucked with.  Now and again someone gives it a try anyway and it usually ends up with them getting their face bashed in with my fist.  If they’re really bad or evil or the type that would kill me if I did something like that, I get that vibe from them and have never been in that situation.  I know who they are though, I see them and they are surrounded by a veil of darkness.  They are the ones who take the young hippy girls and force them into prostitution.

Anyway, so Sweetheart has me thinking about taking off.  All that’s really here for me is Emma, and she’s not even here for me at all anymore.  I don’t know if I’ll ever be good enough for her and it’s almost beginning to make me resent her for looking down on me so harshly.  Sometimes I feel inspired to improve myself.  Other times it feels like a waste of time because I just can’t figure out why I should bother.  It’s a lot of work for no reason at all.  Sometimes I think I have a reason, but then I get high and forget what that reason is.