You may not know that I love you even when I say it, has it become routine? I don't always know that you love me, however I sense your disappointment and I cannot express your thoughts for you I can only reveal mine. You hurt me, deeply though I recovered, until you hurt me again you hurt me repeatedly until now I bear a resentment that may never end. I'm sorry but that pain has not died, I've forgiven as much as I can, but the pain survives, as we ourselves struggle for survival. You hurt me and I resent you but I love you I want to evolve I want us to evolve together rather we disappoint each other lost in seemingly endless patterns, releasing you from my heart because you let me down so many times. You try for the wrong things, you try to acquire that which you need or want, you want me physically perhaps, but do you really want me? You need to try for what will bring me to you, understanding, support, recognition, action; without these things discontentment fosters, and you lose me a little more. I want us, but I'm tired ready to let go and focus on myself, I'm waiting for you to change that I've done all I can, prove to me that we can happen, make it happen make us happen. I'm ready to let go of the pain and begin anew, conditional upon your own efforts, that I now see no sign of. You want my body, but that's not me, wanting my body is not the same as aspiring for our cure. Am I worth the diversion of your ambitions? Am I worth your motivation? Do I ask too much of you or expect too little? Do you value me enough to recognize the difference between wanting me and wanting us? I know you have other things going on in your world things causing you pain and strife I sympathize, I'm there for you, maybe not enough, you have no reason to know that my lack of interest is the child of my damage, my anger, my bitter regard my hurt and pain, In the past I would have been your greatest ally now I am merely someone to evasively hear your voice. I can't speak for you, this is my side not yours but you need to know this, if there's ever a chance for us to mend our vows, You need to know me and these words I never said before, this is how I feel, I've held on, unexpressed, believing in resolve believing in an end to this disease between us, but the optimist within me is sick and nearly absolved, waiting to die in peace. I am so deep inside this hole of blighted hopes, I partly dug my way in, and you partly buried me.