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You may not know that I love you
even when I say it, has it become routine?
I don't always know that you love me,
however I sense your disappointment
and I cannot express your thoughts for you
I can only reveal mine.

You hurt me, deeply
though I recovered, until you hurt me again
you hurt me repeatedly
until now I bear a resentment
that may never end.
I'm sorry but that pain has not died,
I've forgiven as much as I can,
but the pain survives,
as we ourselves struggle for survival.

You hurt me and I resent you
but I love you
I want to evolve
I want us to evolve together
rather we disappoint each other
lost in seemingly endless patterns,
releasing you from my heart
because you let me down so many times.

You try for the wrong things,
you try to acquire that which you need
or want, you want me
physically perhaps, but do you really want me?
You need to try for what will bring me to you,
understanding, support, recognition, action;
without these things discontentment fosters,
and you lose me a little more.

I want us, but I'm tired
ready to let go and focus on myself,
I'm waiting for you to change that
I've done all I can,
prove to me that we can happen,
make it happen
make us happen.

I'm ready to let go of the pain and begin anew,
conditional upon your own efforts,
that I now see no sign of.
You want my body, but that's not me,
wanting my body is not the same
as aspiring for our cure.

Am I worth the diversion of your ambitions?
Am I worth your motivation?
Do I ask too much of you or expect too little?
Do you value me enough to recognize the difference
between wanting me
and wanting us?

I know you have other things going on in your world
things causing you pain and strife
I sympathize, I'm there for you, maybe not enough,
you have no reason to know that my lack of interest
is the child of my damage, my anger, my bitter regard
my hurt and pain,
In the past I would have been your greatest ally
now I am merely someone to evasively hear your voice.

I can't speak for you, this is my side not yours
but you need to know this, if there's ever a chance
for us to mend our vows,
You need to know me and these words I never said before,
this is how I feel, I've held on, unexpressed, believing in resolve
believing in an end to this disease between us, 
but the optimist within me is sick and nearly absolved,
waiting to die in peace.

I am so deep inside this hole of blighted hopes,
I partly dug my way in,
and you partly buried me.
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