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It pains me what happened
it makes me sick
inside my guts, the pain churns
and squeezes
and I don’t know how to make it ease
how to make it disappear
how to make it so it never happened
I must face it but I don’t want to
there is nothing I can say to change it
or absolve myself of it
resolve it or accept the agony
of what happened
What happened really
I don’t understand
I don’t want to know
but it’s the only way to fix it
it brutalizes me
the truth of it is cruel and violent
and I cannot hide
or deny
there is nothing I can do
but feel the pain inside
of what happened

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