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Refer to the FAY Index page for a chronological list of posts and their shortlinks: http://wp.me/P2DnTA-ko


Nothing that I remember is true.  My entire life is one complicated mind fuck.  My last girlfriend was my only girlfriend and she wasn’t my girlfriend at all, she was my mother.  Five years ago when when she got pregnant, she stopped having sex with me.  At that time, they had already begun to acclimate me to the real world, trying to gradually cut me loose from the sick otherworldly society they created and birthed me in.  As I began to show signs of independent thought, the brainwashing simultaneously was instituted.  The brainwashing formulated the false memories I now have.  They planned the pregnancy, planning also to sever me from that world and sever my awareness of its existence.  They no longer wanted me.  They wanted Fay.

Five years ago, I moved into an apartment, immersed into a world that I never knew of, on my own for the first time in my life.  I was 23 years old.  My mother died some months ago, my years without speech were only months, my sanity slipping my mind.  I got Fay when she was four years old which I thought was two years ago but…my brain aches.  Those details will make sense, I’m sure they will but they are not important now.

The fact of the matter is, I am 28 years old, I think.  I’ve been convinced my daughter is four, which means it may have been less time since I’ve had her.  My mother has been dead for some months.  She is the mother of my daughter.  Some of these factors may be wrong.  I’m not sure how old Fay is or how I retrieved her from the cult that raised me.  However, they had named her Mary, and I changed her name to Fay.  I took Fay, convinced I was rescuing her from a drug addicted mother, and moved out of state.  Now the cult has taken her back.

I was taught about evil, about hell.  My acclimation taught me the other side of that spectrum, if only to truly conceal me from scrutiny, conceal my memories from my mind.  They disguised me as a normal human being, but I was far from normal.  They tried to erase my entire life, and replace it with a false life.  Now they are going to do the same to Fay.  Their reasoning is still beyond me, however that is also not important at this time.

Rather, I must focus on the abuse I suffered, and the torture it seems I have most recently experienced, in order to understand where Fay might be and what they might be doing to her.

The rats, the gun shot, the masks, the sexual exploitation, the audience, the lake…it must all make sense.  It must.  I only now know that my childhood consisted of sexual abuse and exploitation, as well as torture.  However I don’t know if the most recent experiences in my life are events that are truly current, or if they have arisen within the cryptic memories about my past.  Either way, these answers are still too simple an explanation.  All the answers cannot be found through the sorting of altered memories.  There needs to be more, something clear, a valid purpose for their scheme, and a reason for the plot to revolve around me and Fay.

…I remember one large, almost mutant rat gnawing and shredding the dressing to my wound.  I turned away as he served his appetite with my flesh.  My jaw locked, sending pain through my teeth.  I couldn’t scream.  I was awake.  I could feel the rats tearing my flesh from my leg.  Their claws scratched me where they fought to feed their hunger.  Long claws penetrated my genitals and I feared they would start to…