The following parody is a short scene intended for stage.
SCENE: A night of poetry reading at a coffee house. There are three poets; while one is reading the other two sit together with “the audience.” Poems are read with heartfelt meaning and intent; poets and “audience” respond to each poem with brief applause.
DAVIS: Good evening ladies and gentleman, it’s good to see so many poetry lovers here tonight. I won’t speak superfluously, instead, let me simply introdue our first poet to you, Leo Fever.
LEO: (nods to audience, begins poem): I have pain, I must express it, Or it will not go away, I write it down, And burden you with it, Pain, Pain, Pain, …It is painful (returns to seat, next poet stands before “audience”)
DAPHNEY: Hello, my name is Daphney Willow, and, well, here goes: I write words, To enchant you, And you will have no choice, But to notice how much like a goddess I am, Because I am, So my words say, Are they working? (returns to seat)
DAVIS: So what do you think so far? Anyway, I’m Davis Flint and here’s my stuff: I am too intense, For any of you to comprehend, My meaning is unclear, You have no clue what I’m talking about
(returns to seat, the sequence follows as above)
LEO: I am suffering, Can’t you tell? How can you just sit there listening, To my confession, And not realize, How suicidal I am
DAPHNEY: I really hate sex, But you would never know it, I disguise my frigidity, With lusty words
DAVIS: I think you are oblivious, Because I know you do not understand my poetry, In fact I hate you, Because you are so stupid
LEO: I am ready to slit my wrist now, Does anyone have a razor? What is wrong with you people! You disguise your masochism with smiles
DAPHNEY: I have an eating disorder, But I pretend I love my body, Because I am a woman and that’s the going thing these days, But I hate myself, I have not eaten for three days, So I could stand here in front of you scrutinizing losers, With nothing to do but listen to other people’s woes, I think I’m going to pass out now
DAVIS: Sometimes I am so complex, I am too obscure for myself, But none of you would relate to that I bet
LEO: Pain, Pain, Pain, …Pain
DAPHNEY: Look at me, Think I am beautiful, Because my poetry expresses loveliness, My words portray desire and femininity, Love me, Love me, My breasts are large
DAVIS: What it all comes down to, Is my profound analysis of my own self, Distorts your ideas of what a poet ought to be, You can’t compare me to a summer’s day, I would not go so far as to offer existentialism, My undertaking would surpass itself, Did I lose you yet?
LEO: Why am I so miserable? Oh my god I am losing my mind, Somebody help me, Please don’t applaud
DAPHNEY: Okay so my breasts aren’t large, That’s all you men think about anyway, You made me this way!
DAVIS: I think the ego is a plague, And you bore me, You boring boring ignorant pigs! Go home!
LEO: If the eyes are the windows to the sould, Someone threw rocks through mind, After the house burned down, And has been abandoned for years, The rocks had notes attached, They said, “sorry wrong house,” “But you suck anyway”
DAPHNEY: My father never loved me, He hated me, He’d say “you’re ugly, You’re dumb, You look like an idiot in that pink frilly dress, Why don’t you go outside and let the neighborhood boys beat you up”
DAVIS: And now ladies and gentleman, for each of our final poems of this evening, I’ll begin with a piece I call, “You Worthless Lumps of Meat” You there, Yeah you, All of you sitting there listening to ideas you couldn’t even begin to conceive yourselves, You’re not human beings, You’re worthless lumps of meat, And I hate you, You brainless imbociles, You’re so stupid I want to piss on your daisies, I hate you!
LEO: When I leave here, I’m going to overdose on penicillin, Maybe it will disinfect my diseased emotions, Somehow I must kill the pain, This is the last time you’ll probably ever see me, I hope you appreciate this
DAPHNEY: Tomorrow I will begin therapy, My lusty crusty womb needs some sort of suppository, Perhaps I will be cleansed of my demons with male faces, And none of you has even attempted to reassure me of my beauty, You beasts, Tomorrow I will begin therapy, And realize I would rather be a lesbian
DAVIS: Well that’s the show folks! You were a fantastic audience! Thank you so much for coming out tonight to see us. I think it’s important that human beings continue to gather together to enjoy and honor the many voices of artistry. Such experiences keep our spirits strong, our minds wise, our bodies healthy. (LEO and DAPHNEY join him) Your attendance was much appreciated. Thank you very much.
LEO and DAPHNEY: Thank you.
(They all bow and walk offstage)