I wrote this poem in response to the prompt of Bugs Bunny cutting Elmer Fudd’s hair, first by knightm7 then by another reader, Suzicue. I had to research the clip and watch it on Youtube, but here it is. Hopefully not only did I get the right clip, but I also hope I did it justice!
“The Rabbit of Seville, A Poem”
Filing in for Rossini’s “Barber,”
an audience like a flooding harbor.
Upon the Hollywood Bowl stage appears
a man with a rifle, and a chap with rabbit ears.
Only such a bold one can
cut the hair of a bald man.
But first a tranny senorita charms
only to further impose the hunter of merciless harms,
who can neither tell a man in cross-dress,
nor that the man is a leporidae, a pest.
Bugs Bunny reveals Elmer’s flowered shorts–bright red,
then prepares a fruit salad on top of his head;
massages his scalp with his rabbit feet,
hell, that’s good luck, an added treat!
Bugs raises a razor like a snake from a basket,
shaves Elmer’s ass, hairier than his head, no need to mask it.
After Elmer pays with imaginary cash,
upon his head the sandbag will smash.
Bugs cuts his shoe half off, clips his toe nails
with scissors large enough to remove his entrails.
He paints Elmer’s foot red
then moves back on to his head.
Smearing hair restorer on Elmer’s face,
Bugs grooms the hair as it had no place.
A block of cement made from beauty clay
hardened, then chiseled and brushed away.
Hair tonic and Figaro Fertilizer
reaching all the bald sympathizers,
when for a moment Elmer sees growth
more of a garden, then his vendetta becomes an oath.
After a back and forth to see
the bearer of the largest weaponry,
comparing sizes, an age old competition
when manhood becomes an admonition;
Ironically the rabbit wins
when Elmer’s taken by pretty things.
Flowers, candy, a ring to betroth
Elmer the bride, Bugs Bunny, as a groom is clothed.
The threshold is several flights of stairs;
Elmer is dropped down below, by his husband with rabbit ears,
landing in the Marriage of Figaro Cake
and hopefully this lesson with him he will take:
If you’re bald and a rabbit wants to cut your hair,
you should be wary of his intentions there.
You may be a hunter, but you’re no explorer,
you should have just left with the hair restorer.