Refer to the FAY Index page for a chronological list of posts and their shortlinks: http://wp.me/P2DnTA-ko

I am still confused about so many things, such as how we age.  If aging is essentially caused by a deterioration, breaking down, or death of cells, why don’t they heal?  Why are my memories so twisted, and why do I believe my mother to be my mother when she isn’t, why was she trying to help me, and wasn’t she able to heal after being decapitated and did that really happen?  And what about Mason, why did he decide not to kill me, what is his purpose?  Was I shot with a mercury bullet, and why tie me down, as I remember being bound many times, when mercury would have paralyzed me.  Maybe that would have been a permanent paralysis which they didn’t want.

I have all these questions, and as I sit here in the passenger seat staring at Mason bound to the driver’s seat by seat belts, I decide they’re unimportant.  At this point, I don’t care, I don’t need to know anything.  I just want to get Fay and get out of here.  The only thing I need to know is the layout of the facility, whether or not there are codes I need to know.  I would also like to be sure I have a vehicle to leave with that has enough gas in it.  I want money too, and I want to have a new identity, but that might be dreaming.  I was arrested for the abduction and murder of Fay, and I have no idea how that came to be.  What kind of life was I living prior to this time with Mason? Why are those memories of a real life so clear to me.  Maybe there are questions I do need answered.  But I’ve been tortured and violated enough and I want it to end.  I want the confusion to end.  I want to get Fay before she suffers.  I want to live a peaceful, normal life with my daughter.  I don’t care if I’m not human.  I can walk, talk, eat, pray, think, learn, shit, love, and fuck like a man.  That’s all I need to know.

I begin to ask Mason about the facility.  What door do we use to get in?  Where is his office if he has one?  Are there any passwords, security codes, procedures I need to be aware of?  How do I guarantee a safe departure, with a vehicle, with money and provisions if possible?  And most importantly, where is Fay being kept, and how do I get her out of there safely?

He reluctantly answers my questions.  Unfortunately, I have to torture him to learn the information that I want.  I want to say that it’s not in my nature to torture, because that’s what it seems.  Yet, I learn more and more about myself every moment, and I honestly don’t know the innateness of my being.  I’m not very good at torture, since I’m reluctant to cause pain, which defeats the purpose.  I start small with the knife, putting it into his finger nails.  He seems to have a high tolerance for pain though, so I actually have to pry the finger nails off.  I learn soon enough that I’m not good at torture also because it nauseates me.  Then I learn that Mason seems to like pain, and he likes games.  My imagination of physical torment does not reach so high as his tolerance to it.

Eventually he gives me the information, not because he can’t withstand the agony, but because he simply gets bored with the game.  It’s a lot of information.  I had searched the vehicle for a pen and paper or any kind of implements to write on and couldn’t find anything, not even a cell phone.  I thought of carving the information into my skin, but what if it heals by mistake, since I have no control over it yet.  I have no choice but to memorize, so I ask him to repeat the information several times.  He tells me everything I need to know and he tells me he decided to help me because he knows I pose no threat to him.

I believe he’s full of shit.  I get out of the car with the knife.  It’s a little long to serve the purpose of my intention.  I’m aware that I have abnormal strength, which again is something I have yet to learn to control.  I put the top half of the blade beneath my foot and use the strength in my foot and hand to bend and snap the knife.  As we are on a road with trees on either side, I search around until I find a good sized rock, one that fits in my hand but I can’t close my hand around it.  Once back in the passenger seat I take off my shirt, and wrap it around the end of the blade.

He knows what I’m going to do, I don’t know why he thought I wouldn’t.  I have no choice.  I need him, but I don’t trust him.  He starts to shout and move his head, which will make it impossible.  I cut up the last seat belt in back, and secure his head to the seat by tying the seat belt across and in his mouth.  He can barely make a sound, and he can’t move his head.

I hope I do this correctly.  I put the tip of the knife above his eye on the side of his nose.  I push it in and up enough with my hand, as it’s wrapped and it won’t cut me.  I know I can heal, but I can also still feel pain.  Unlike Mason I don’t like pain.  Once the blade is in, I take the rock and smash it in all the way.  Then I watch and wait while he heals.  It takes a while, now that his cognitive functioning is impaired.  First I believe he actually dies, or loses consciousness, then the healing occurs on it’s own.

The skin heals over the blade, as I had bashed it deep enough that the end of it was just below the surface.  With the skin over it, it is undetectable.  He awakens and is clearly a vegetable.  I unbind him and lead him out of the car.  I make sure he can walk and make eye contact.  The eye contact is minimal and there is clearly a vacancy, so I figure I can put some sunglasses on him, especially since it is now passed dawn.  I need his presence to get in, get Fay, and get out, otherwise they will kill me.  I need his presence, but I can’t afford the risk of trusting him to help me.

I’m not a cruel person.  At least I don’t think so.  But I had no choice.  I tell myself it is for Fay.  I don’t know any other way to save her, but I realize I am capable of anything in order to do so.