Early morning again. I can’t sleep and I have been feeling dizzy again on and off lately. I am sometimes sick, sometimes physically, sometimes ill-brained. I often despise myself without mercy, but nobody knows this. It’s got nothing to do with me really, just what I’ve been doing. Some people don’t recognize their pain as suffering, only endurance. They have needs based on sincerity and desperation. My life is searching and adapting, also survival, but whatever. I wonder why I live, other people make the choice to fight to live.
We were dreaming when we began this life. Nothing was going to hold us back. Nothing was going to tie us down. Our arrival was distinct and our yesterdays foretold. Then there was the phone call and I wanted to die. I didn’t ask you. Neither did you volunteer the truth.
October 16, 2012
Later the same day, after a…
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