November 4, 2103
I haven’t been writing so much because I try to spend as much time with the baby as possible. Once DCF is out of the picture, I have no doubt that Sweetheart will take off on me. One thing I forgot to write is that Sweetheart and I had to get tested to see if we were the biological parents of Valentina. The reason we had to do this is because Sweetheart gave birth on a reservation. There was no hospital involved so Valentina has neither a birth certificate nor a social security number. There’s no evidence of her existence or that we’re the parents. We have to prove it otherwise the baby will be taken from us since there would be no way to avoid the speculation of abduction, though I know Sweetheart isn’t like that. She’s a freak, but not nuts. We haven’t gotten the results yet.
I’m going to Blues Monday today since Edie wasn’t there last week. That was just awkward getting caught by Howard as I was trying to kiss his granddaughter. The worse part was that she was shocked and rejected me. I mean she was flirting with me wicked bad, wtf was I supposed to think? She was all but grabbing at my balls. I hate that. Girls give you all the signals like they want to fuck you, then you make a move and they’re horrified. It rarely happens to me, and honestly I think if we hadn’t been with her grandfather, she’d probably have kissed me. Anyway, I hope she doesn’t come back. She ruins the blues feel, distracts me from really feeling it. Sex distracts me. That’s just the way it is.
Ok so now I’m going to write about shit other than the day to day. I think I’ll talk about Gary Oldman.
When you see Gary Oldman these days, this is pretty much what he looks like:
He looks so happy. And that’s good. This guy deserves to be happy. I say that because he’s fucking awesome. People ask me why I named my cat Gary Oldman, and I say because Gary Oldman is fucking awesome. In polite company, I say because Gary Oldman is awesome. He’s a top notch guy, there doesn’t need to be an explanation.
Honestly, I don’t know much about him or his personal life. I can just tell. And even though he’s huge, I still think he’s both underrated and underutilized. He’s had a career that didn’t lay him out with a series of typecasts, there is that. His roles have been diverse. But still. I think he needs even more recognition. He needs to be Sir Gary Oldman. Or Lord Gary Oldman. Yeah, Lord Gary Oldman. That’s what I’m going to call him from now on.
Ok, so here’s my Gary Oldmanism:
WALL GRIMM’S LORD GARY OLDMANISM
This is a quote I pulled from IMDB so who knows how legit it is, but I fucking love it:
“I had this idea of myself as a shy, kind, sweet chap. I was working with Winona Ryder and she turned to me and said, ‘Fuck, man, you’re really intense!’ I was so shocked, I went, ‘What do you mean? I’m not intense, I’m sweet!’ My passion and energy get mistaken for anger.”
I’ll explain in a minute why I like this quote, but first I have to say that obviously this is from “Dracula.” I watched the movie again recently and the first thing I want to say is that Lord Gary Oldman is such a good actor that even his shadow can act. He really looks the part of the time, and when he’s wearing those colored shades, he’s like the John Lennon of Vampires. And Keanu Reeves, that guy is stupid. Or his character is. As he’s shaving and Lord Gary Oldman just levitates into the room like someone pushed him on a freakin’ skateboard, in a graceful kind of way, then he gets all freaked out when Keanu Reeves cuts himself shaving and the mirror smashes. Then he levitates out and the door closes by itself. Then Keanu sees him crawling around like fucking Spiderman. Why doesn’t Keanu just get the fuck out of there at that point? Well, maybe he plans to in the morning, but then the orgy vampires lead by the one and only Monica Bellucci, my personal Italian goddess, come along and yeah, I think I’d stay, even though they eat a baby after. Whatever. The movie had a campy kind of 70’s feel which made some of the really bad acting seem intentional, though it probably wasn’t. Of course, Lord Gary Oldman was not in that realm of bad acting. He’s the element that made the movie. And the visuals were amazing. But what the fuck am I doing, writing a review?
Grimm shuts up.
Ok why do I like that quote…
I like that quote because I kind of feel the same way. I’m quiet and people think I’m so intense and I’ve been told I make people nervous. But I’m quiet because I’m kind of shy, though I’m a friendly, polite kind of shy. Until you piss me off. I don’t know if I’m sweet, maybe, who knows. And maybe I’m more private than shy. I just don’t like to talk about myself.
Anyway, then he said this about being an alcoholic:
LORD GARY OLDMANISM:
“I did a lot of stupid things. When you’re drunk, you think you can pull any bird in the room and they’ll just love the idea of it. You also think you can say anything you like to anybody without them taking offense. Actually, you need the sauce to fill whatever hole that’s there in yourself.”
And yeah, I relate to that for obvious reasons. But it’s weird because I never put much of it into words before. This makes so much sense, and it’s simple, but so perfectly articulated, that it’s really profound and reaches me more than anything I heard in detox.
Thank you Lord Gary Oldman, you’re the chap.